10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
