belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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