Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
