I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
