Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
