So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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