We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
