would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
