Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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