So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
