Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
