Just mADE A PArabola og urine
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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