I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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