I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
