sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
