I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
