It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
