It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
