At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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