I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
