But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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