hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
