there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
