tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
