I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
