You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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