I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
