I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
