its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
