I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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