You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I cut my penus on the lid.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
