um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
