She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
