they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Holy shit dude........stairs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
