she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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