My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
