who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
