I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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