Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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