you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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