he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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