i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
