you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
