Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
