i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
