last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
