last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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