Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
