He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
