He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
