need another drink. this is the easiest way
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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