So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.