its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?