I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on