Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
