I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios