I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.