i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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