Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
