why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
