You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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