So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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