His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
