Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize