The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I only lived at night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
