well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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