She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
