I looked at my own cervix.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
