Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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