Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shame - the story of my life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
