u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
