My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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