Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your cock deserves a montage
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize