Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
