apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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