I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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