He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
