I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
