are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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