You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
