So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick