Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Fine. I'll sleep in my office

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  (917): Fine. I'll sleep in my office http://tfl.nu/uxdr
  Replies (5) Good night (843) Bad night (1250)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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  (856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu
  Replies (28) Good night (5234) Bad night (1214)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.

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  (859): Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time. http://tfl.nu/xhpk
  Replies (45) Good night (956) Bad night (2436)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.

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  (715): Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's. http://tfl.nu/k4yu
  Replies (20) Good night (1454) Bad night (4559)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?

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  (601): How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to? http://tfl.nu/gwpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2281) Bad night (943)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home

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  (918): I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home http://tfl.nu/noo6
  Replies (12) Good night (3591) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.

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  (847): I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet. http://tfl.nu/wpea
  Replies (2) Good night (2154) Bad night (1655)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.

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  (832): Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something. http://tfl.nu/xkf6
  Replies (5) Good night (2236) Bad night (760)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.

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  (914): I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/ryf1
  Replies (6) Good night (654) Bad night (1069)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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  (503): Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush. http://tfl.nu/eadi
  Replies (2) Good night (1048) Bad night (905)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.

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  (570): My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think. http://tfl.nu/k90n
  Replies (7) Good night (622) Bad night (567)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel

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  (603): I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel http://tfl.nu/5thv
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (348)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure

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  (941): I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure http://tfl.nu/4g2x
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (399)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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  (248): Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents? http://tfl.nu/sosc
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?

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  (224): How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister? http://tfl.nu/hq7k
  Replies (4) Good night (627) Bad night (635)

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