Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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