Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.

(352): View more from Florida

WHAT?!

(407): View more from Florida

He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.

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(407): So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch. (352): WHAT?! (407): He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/9qqv

Replies (6) Good night (749) Bad night (2441)
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(802): View more from Vermont

my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

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(802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6

Replies (46) Good night (2335) Bad night (17944)
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(571): View more from Virginia

the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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(571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak

Replies (48) Good night (6589) Bad night (1040)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

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(204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx

Replies (9) Good night (2008) Bad night (4754)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere

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(203): Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere http://tfl.nu/w3xh

Replies (11) Good night (1550) Bad night (3508)
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(334): View more from Alabama

He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.

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(334): He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning. http://tfl.nu/odgl

Replies (58) Good night (16559) Bad night (3634)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight

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(757): Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight http://tfl.nu/0tps

Replies (25) Good night (1625) Bad night (5766)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.

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(610): Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun. http://tfl.nu/afxx

Replies (5) Good night (2214) Bad night (712)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.

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(978): I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek. http://tfl.nu/dtfv

Replies (5) Good night (1669) Bad night (738)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me

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(402): Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me http://tfl.nu/m5ly

Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (2308)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with

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(618): Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with http://tfl.nu/wwss

Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (329)
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(571): View more from Virginia

If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.

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(571): If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies. http://tfl.nu/9cow

Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (241)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone

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(443): Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone http://tfl.nu/3q0e

Replies (0) Good night (385) Bad night (239)
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(817): View more from Texas

If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink

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(817): If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink http://tfl.nu/nuwv

Replies (1) Good night (607) Bad night (237)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.

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(250): i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties. http://tfl.nu/5hso

Replies (0) Good night (752) Bad night (152)

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