Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????