how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
