This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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