Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
